is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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