drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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