i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
