i was born a porn star she said
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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