I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
