i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
