hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
