grandma shit on top of the toilet
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize
