Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
