Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
