The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
