First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
