I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
