i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
