For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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