Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
