I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
