this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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