Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
