I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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