I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
