Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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