I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
