I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
