Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
