I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
