It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
