i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
