I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
