why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
