I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
