btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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