I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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