I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
