getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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