we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
