I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
