You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
