This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
