so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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