dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Congratulations! We have a period
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