No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
