I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
