Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
