If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
