I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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