She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
