I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
