legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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