Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
