he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
